Today's entry will show how self-conscious I am. Heh. It was bound to happen one of these times.
I came to the realization today that I'm not happy. It's not my relationship that I'm unhappy with. Things there have been good. It's me I'm unhappy with. I'm unhappy with the way I look. No, I'm not just complaining and not doing anything about it. I am doing something about it. I just don't have much patience when it comes to myself.
I came to this realization while getting dressed this morning. I just happened to looking in the mirror. What I saw depressed me more than anything has in a while. It made me wonder how in the world anyone could find me attractive, let alone stay in a relationship with me for the last 6 years. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Heh.
I've had comments from people that I have a hard time accepting, since they've never actually seen me(other than in one picture that was taken at a weird angle in bad lighting). It takes everything in me not to unleash on them and tell them how wrong they are.
Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Maybe it's what I need to do. I need to be hard on myself in order to achieve the goal that I want. I was getting there. I almost had it. But failed. It's difficult and frustrating.
Now, I don't hate myself, just dislike. I know that it can be change and that I won't be happy until I do. I have started to make that change. I hope I don't fail this time....
I came to the realization today that I'm not happy. It's not my relationship that I'm unhappy with. Things there have been good. It's me I'm unhappy with. I'm unhappy with the way I look. No, I'm not just complaining and not doing anything about it. I am doing something about it. I just don't have much patience when it comes to myself.
I came to this realization while getting dressed this morning. I just happened to looking in the mirror. What I saw depressed me more than anything has in a while. It made me wonder how in the world anyone could find me attractive, let alone stay in a relationship with me for the last 6 years. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Heh.
I've had comments from people that I have a hard time accepting, since they've never actually seen me(other than in one picture that was taken at a weird angle in bad lighting). It takes everything in me not to unleash on them and tell them how wrong they are.
Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Maybe it's what I need to do. I need to be hard on myself in order to achieve the goal that I want. I was getting there. I almost had it. But failed. It's difficult and frustrating.
Now, I don't hate myself, just dislike. I know that it can be change and that I won't be happy until I do. I have started to make that change. I hope I don't fail this time....
P.S. I have fixed it so that anyone can leave comments instead of having it set so that only people who are registered with blogger.com can leave comments.
1 comment:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...often we are harder on ourselves than other would be. Women are especially prone to this being the more emotional gender but men are not immune. However, if this sparks a desire to change for the better(eat healthier, exercise whatever) then it's not such a bad thing.
And if you would send me those pics I've been requesting I would have a better idea now wouldn't I? ;) Keep smiling.
-Kat
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