From Parent to Child

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you!
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer.
It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...

Miss you more than I will let you know....

Over the past little while I've been in some sort of contact with people I haven't seen in years. It's all nostalgic and happy. Well, it's nostalgic, but not so happy. It makes me sad. I miss my old life sometimes. I miss being able to just go if I wanted to. Meeting up with friends at our favourite coffee shop (which no longer exists) and talking, playing cards, being silly and serious.

I miss all the ups and downs that were apart of my old life. We were a large group of like-minded individuals. Friends who would be there for you if you needed them. I miss the occasional love (or lust) triangles that would form. I was in a few of my own. I miss the parties that we would have. God, those were fun times. The booze and occasionally the drugs. Karmi used to be a pot head! *gasp*. I miss the good times we had. So many memories came flooding back after seen pictures that were taken almost 10 years ago. We all seemed so happy to be together. To be friends.

How things have changed. A rather large part of our old "Clique" has moved out of the city. Some are still here, but we've started families, got jobs that keep us from having a social life and for the most part, just drifted away from each other. That's the part that makes me sad.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and my pseudo-hubby. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. However, that doesn't change the fact that I really, really miss the way things used to be.

Heh. At least I have a way of keeping in touch with some of these people now.

Beautiful Girl

Today's entry will show how self-conscious I am. Heh. It was bound to happen one of these times.

I came to the realization today that I'm not happy. It's not my relationship that I'm unhappy with. Things there have been good. It's me I'm unhappy with. I'm unhappy with the way I look. No, I'm not just complaining and not doing anything about it. I am doing something about it. I just don't have much patience when it comes to myself.

I came to this realization while getting dressed this morning. I just happened to looking in the mirror. What I saw depressed me more than anything has in a while. It made me wonder how in the world anyone could find me attractive, let alone stay in a relationship with me for the last 6 years. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Heh.

I've had comments from people that I have a hard time accepting, since they've never actually seen me(other than in one picture that was taken at a weird angle in bad lighting). It takes everything in me not to unleash on them and tell them how wrong they are.

Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Maybe it's what I need to do. I need to be hard on myself in order to achieve the goal that I want. I was getting there. I almost had it. But failed. It's difficult and frustrating.

Now, I don't hate myself, just dislike. I know that it can be change and that I won't be happy until I do. I have started to make that change. I hope I don't fail this time....

P.S. I have fixed it so that anyone can leave comments instead of having it set so that only people who are registered with blogger.com can leave comments.

Gah!

Today is going to be a rant about Telemarketers. I'm sitting at home minding my own business, and I get a phone call. I look and it's a local number, so I answer it.

"Hello this is some dumbwit calling from some Internet company. Would you like to switch to our crappy highspeed DSL from your totally awesome highspeed Cable Internet?"

"No, I'm happy with what I have."

"But it's a good deal at $25 a month."

"I'm paying $20 right now."

"Oh, are you sure you don't want to switch."

"Uh...yeah. Besides, your service doesn't work properly in my area."

"It does now. Come on switch. You know you want to."

"No, I really don't. Bye now."

Gah! I understand. I've been there. I was a telemarketer for a while. They're just trying to do their job and make a few bucks. When I tell you the reasons for now wanting to switch, say okay and move on. Yeah, they have to push a little. But when the service you're offering me doesn't even work because we're too far from the hub, trying to sell me on it is a waste of your time and mine.

Bleh.

Peace, love and fluffy bunnies

~karmi~

Comfortably Numb

Anyone catching on to my blog titles? Heh. They really have nothing to do with the subject of the blog. Well, at least not for the most part.

Anywho, my oldest daughter's birthday is in a week. She'll be five. The time passed so quickly. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that she was born. Now, she's in school and starting to sound smarter than both her parents. Heh. Normally, this would be the point where I'd say that I want another baby. Not this time. I got my other baby a year and a half ago. She's great, amazing and oh so cute, but the last thing I want is another one. I'm happy with my two girls and wouldn't change anything. Okay, that's a lie. There are a few things I would change, but those are things about myself, not my family. It makes me a little sad to see my babies growing so quickly. But, it is something that must happen and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can try to shelter them, keep them "safe" from the world, but would any good parent want to do that? How are they ever going to learn how to take care of themselves if you cut them off from what's happening in the world around them? They won't. I've met people who have led sheltered lives and they have no idea how to function in the real world. No social skills, no way to adapt to their surroundings. It's sad. I don't want my girls growing up that way. They are going to get exposed to all sorts of things. The only thing I can do is make the attempt to explain and help them understand what they see and hear and how to deal with it.

I can't save them from a broken heart, I can't cut them off from all the good and bad things that they will experience throughout their lives. I will be there for them and help them through their journey, no matter what. That's the best I can do.

Peace, love and fluffy bunnies

~karmi~

Dust in the wind....

Bleh. That's how I feel right now. My day started off wonderfully. I had the chance to chat with a friend for a few hours. He's always a joy to talk to. But, now I feel....sad. I want to cry. Cry until there is nothing wet in me. Scream and yell until my throat rebels and ruptures. Heh. There's a little JTHM reference for ya.

Maybe I'm just tired and therefore overly emotional. Well, more than usual. Damn! That's pretty emotional. Today, it started with looking at pics of friend, both old and new. I think it was more the new ones, since I haven't actually met these people and really, really want to. Badly. Heh.

At any rate. I just needed to get a little out and since I have done that......

In the End

Well, the talk that I mentioned is done and over with. No one ended up getting hurt or angry. All's well that ends well....I suppose.

At any rate, just an update. I would now like to share a drink recipe with you.

Blood of Children

1oz. Triple Sec
1oz. Blackberry liqueur
Cranberry juice to taste

Enjoy!

Peace, love and fluffy bunnies

~karmi~